When the tears begin to fall, they will. You have to let them fall because it’s a way of grieving, expressing joy, or releasing. In 2023, Easter, Mother’s Day, Christmas Day, New Year’s Day, and soon-to-be Birthday bring memories of time from the past and bring about the reality of the present. As I celebrate these holidays without my mother here in the flesh, I am reminded of what “mother ” means. The Oxford Dictionary refers to “mother” as someone who gives birth or brings up (a child) with care and affection. That is only a minuscule definition. It does not include the joy, the fear, the pride, the disappointments, the anxiousness, the anger, the wisdom, or the contentment in the role of mother. The definition does not encompass the roles that a mother fills: the mother, sometimes the father, the friend, the confidant, the caregiver, the nurse, the teacher, the disciplinarian, the advocate, the sympathizer, or the wise one. So in the title of “Mother,” is there a perfect definition?
During this time last year, I would not have believed that my mother would not be here to celebrate these holidays. She always smiled through great times and hard times, and her mother’s heart was always present. Her faith never wavered as she believed that everything happened for a reason, and that God always knows what he is doing. Her favorite reminder was “God may not come when you want Him to, but He always comes right on time.” Her comments were usually comical, but as years passed, I found her comments to be chalked with wisdom for living. She certainly understood that people sometimes call on God in a pinch and then soon forget after they have been rescued from a situation. My mother was very aware that sometimes God’s answer is “No,” and that is not because He doesn’t love, hear or answer us. It is because He will answer in His time, and if the answer is still “no” we can reflect and be glad of that answer.
Wallowing in self-pity and giving up was never an option. She would say, “If you didn’t get it, then it wasn’t for you!” She constantly gave the lesson that sometimes you will get a little dirty, and you will get knocked down, but not getting up brushing off the dirt, and trying again was never an option. It was okay to be disappointed, but it was never okay to be a quitter. She could also read people. I called it her “people radar.” It was that intuition that let her know if a person was genuine or if a person was a moocher (loser). My mother could pick up on ulterior motives. I had a profound respect for her willingness to confront the fraudulent perpetrator(s) by telling them, “You don’t mess over God’s children, and I am a child of God!” What I treasure are the many pearls of wisdom that she left through humor.
I share my reflection with you because many colleagues, acquaintances, and friends have lost loved ones in 2023. Remember, no one has the right to tell you how to grieve or how long you should grieve. You may be overcome with emotions in the middle of the most mundane activity. If your eyes fill with tears, let them fall. When the tears start to fall, they are not always about sadness. Sometimes it is a pleasant or funny memory. Everybody around you won’t understand, and it doesn’t matter. Tears are cathartic for the heart. Let them fall.
In time, tears won’t come as often, but there are times when they just need to fall. As we miss our loved ones in the flesh, we are assured that they have gone on to glory. And there is joy in knowing that fact.
Instead of looking back at the challenges of 2023, and there were many, I will choose to look at what God had brought me through. And on occasion, the tears may begin to fall, and I will just let them.
CrayDawg (c)2024
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Coffee Reflections 