No Favorites In Death

Last evening at midnight, I received a notification on my phone, and for some reason I checked it. It was a message from a friend telling me to check my IMs. She had sent me a message that my former roommate had passed. I was blown away! My roommate was four years older with a most interesting story. She and her family lived in Cambodia where her father was an Ambassador. She would tell stories about their good life until they had to flee from Cambodia to the United States due to the fall of Indochina to Communist Forces. When she got here, she could not speak any English. Students at her high school laughed and made fun of her, and she had no idea what they were saying! It seemed that she faced one cruel joke after another. She walked into the cruelty of culture shock, but she was a conqueror.  She caught on to the English language, as well as, the Southern drawl. There was nothing more humorous than hearing her Asian accent with a Southern drawl. There were times when she would have to laugh, “Oh my gosh, I sound so country!”

My roommate became very Americanized. She loved horror movies, watermelon, fried chicken, and coffee. She still enjoyed some of her native foods and managed to get friends and colleagues to broaden their taste pallets. One of the things I remember was how silly and tickled she would get.

One of my favorite memories is the chicken incident. We had invited friends over for dinner, and we had cleaned the apartment. I set the table and prepared side dishes. My roommate was responsible for the meat. She had seasoned a whole fryer, patted it down, and talked to it. She put it in the oven, and everything was ready. The guests arrived, and we sat down to enjoy a meal when we heard an exasperated cry from the kitchen, “Ohhhhh noooooo!” I walked into the kitchen and she said, “Oh my gosh, I forgot to turn the oven on!” Needless to say, we laughed until we cried. I excused myself to go buy a box of Bojangles chicken. This was just one of a number of incidents.

My roommate’s laughter was unmistakable, and her sincerity of heart was genuine. This was the person that would literally give you the shirt off of her back if she thought that it would help you. There were times when her kindness would be taken for granted and abused, but in spite of her hurt, she never harbored anger, ugliness or bitterness.

Despite her setbacks, she was a conquerer, a fighter, a hard worker. She persevered through heartbreak, illness, and difficult times. My roommate got a job with a major corporation that she would call home for almost 40 years.  People took notice of her talent with numbers and her work ethic. Not only was she a valuable employee, she was an asset in her role  as daughter, sister, aunt, employee, and friend. Her death was shocking, but the memories are so rich!

My roommate’s death has shaken me to the core, and there are thoughts and emotions that can’t be described, and a  black hole where I just sit. I have thought about my roommate, the past, and life in general. In the wake of COVID-19, I know that Death has no favorites. I often tell friends that we don’t know the hour, but we are not guaranteed to be here forever. The questions that I (and perhaps others) have thought about are:

1. Have I led a full life walking into the calling that God has for me, or have I choked or convinced myself that I will live that life later?
2. Have I settled for less when God offered me more, and have I given back as much or more that has been given to me?
3. Have I done my best kingdom work, and can people see Christ in me?
4. What legacy have I left, and what pearl of wisdom do I want to impart to others?

These questions could go on and there are so many more that could be added to this list. I don’t want these questions to get buried, and I don’t want to bury another friend before I think about them again. Today, I watched as family members asked God “Why?” I hugged and consoled friends drowning in grief. I held the hands of strangers who were speechless. And I wiped tears signifying finality. Death is hard whether anticipated or not. And Death has no favorites in whom he takes. In the hearts and minds of mourners today was the ultimate reality that we all have a Devine appointment.

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