When the lights go down at night, the children are in bed, and the house is silent, do you sit and think about everything you did not get done that day? We tend to reflect on what we did not get done or who did not get a piece of our time, work, or affection. So what, the dishes did not get washed, the floor didn’t get vacuumed, the bed didn’t get made, the mail was not checked, the weekly planner was not completed, and the community activity was not attended? In the still of the night, can you just say, “It is okay because ‘I am enough!'”
Sometimes without recognizing it, we allow the expectations of the world, society, friends, spouses, and even family to dictate how our lives should look and our responsibilities and place within that world. It is exhausting! When our homes are not spotless, and the answer is “I’m tired!” we are made to feel that we have not given our all and we are being lazy. So, we don’t make every sporting event, social gathering, church service, or family game night, this causes the inescapable dread and guilt to well up in our spirits. Stop it!
Who made the rule that you have to be at every function, entertain the office staff, and provide for every member of the family, church, or community? Have we made impossible demands on ourselves? Has our upbringing programmed us to believe that this is normal? Have we allowed the mainstream to creep into our subconscious? At some point in history did we start to believe the lyrics of songs like Peggy Lee’s “I’m a Woman” that said,
I can wash out forty-four pairs of socks
And have ’em on the line
I can starch and iron two dozen shirts
‘Fore you can count from one to nine
I can slip up a great big dip up of lard
From a drippings can
Throw it in the skillet, do my shopping
Be back before it melts in the pan
‘Cause I’m a woman
W O M A N
If you believe that you can do all of these things and stay emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically well, then your perception of your purpose is very skewed. Unfortunately, we live in a world where families are dysfunctional, grandparents are raising children, fathers are absent, outside influences are infiltrating minds, technology is thinking for us, gangs become family, and you are trying to perform a balancing act that is slowly draining the life out of you. Perhaps you are trying to be a father and mother to children who are experiencing an absent dad.
Perhaps, we feel the need to occupy our time with busyness to make ourselves feel as though we are continuously accomplishing or fulfilling a task. Does the busyness make us feel worthy? Why? Have we been programmed to believe that our purpose and position in this world is to accommodate the demands of everybody else? This is how we lose sight of who we are. With every relationship, more and more of self is given, and those pieces of self are never replaced, restored, or revisited. It is just a reminder that the more that is given, the more that is expected or taken. We are tired!
The greatest word in the English language is “NO”. This is not a negative word. It is a word that allows us to set boundaries, graciously decline, and maintain and preserve ourselves. Does this word make us appear defiant? Are we shirking away from our responsibilities? No. We are just setting boundaries that allow us to keep some of who we are. We must accept that we can’t be all things to all people. We will not make every social engagement. The house will not always be spotless. We will grow weary. We will learn to recognize our limitations without fear, guilt, or regret because we are human! We are worthy! And we are not superwomen. We will not receive the role that others try to relegate us into being. We simply accept that who we are is enough!
Psalm 139: 14 says, “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” We must remember that God had his eye on us before we were born. He has woven us into the beings that we are which should give us the assurance that we are enough!
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Coffee Reflections 