How Do You Fight Back?

There are knock-downs. There are drag-outs. There are verbal disagreements. There are written disputes. And there are full-on fights. How do you fight back? Some fights are intellectual manipulations fought behind closed doors, fought to press a personal agenda, fought through the use of a contaminated heart and a desensitized human spirit. How do you fight back? After the initial shock, the gnashing of teeth, the pouring of tears, and the deflation of self, how do you fight back? How do you fight fairly? Do you fight back at all? Do you not care and seek revenge? Careful! Fighting back may be detrimental to others. So, how do you fight back?

It is normal to want revenge when family, friends, and colleagues hurt, betray, and undermine you. Believing that people have your best interest at heart only to lie and betray your trust is devastating. Destroying your character and interrupting your livelihood often causes the seeds of resentment to take root. The jealousy and underlying bitterness from colleagues destroy professional reputations, ruin relationships, and unravel the future. It is human to want to fight back physically, but sometimes you have to ask who and what are you fighting against and how do you fight to win?

What you have to remember is that you live in a dark world where humanitarianism is slowly becoming desensitized. The person on your left or right may be a friend or a foe. The brother who says “I’ve got your back!” may want your job or the things that you have. The person who smiles the most in your face is slowly setting you up for failure. The council that is to help you positively lead diminishes your character to push a hidden personal agenda. You are in a battle! How do you fight back? You must remember that exacting revenge is not what you are called to do.

“Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men. If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY,’ says the Lord. ‘But if your enemy is hungry, feed him, and if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.’ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” Romans 12:17-21.

The hardest lesson in betrayal is knowing that when people commit evil against you, the end result is not always evil because God can and will turn a situation into good. This verse from Romans explains that the use of physical retaliation is not suggested, and you are not to avenge those who have wounded you. Once you get through the anger and disappointment, don’t harbor these feelings in your heart because you are enacting the same sin as your enemy. My mother always says, “When people mistreat you, don’t get angry because you know who and what you’re dealing with. Feed them with a long-handled spoon.” Your comfort is in God when you have been hurt and betrayed; you have to surrender it all to God because He will handle those who have caused the offense. As a follower of Christ, you are to wait on the Lord and trust that He will bring a resolution to the situation. “Do not say, I’ll pay you back for this wrong!’ Wait for the Lord, and He will avenge you.” Proverbs 20:22.

This season may be difficult to absorb and take in clearly because you may feel that it is impossible to forgive those who have called themselves, brother, sister, friend, colleague, mentor, and boss. It takes time to mend the wounded heart, but you have been called to forgive others even if the relationship is severed forever. It is not your desire to succumb to bitterness and anger because it only leads to a poisonous venom that consumes you and causes you to not forgive. Remember, Jesus endured the crowd who wanted his death on the cross although he had done nothing that warranted this response. Betrayal was not unknown to Jesus as one of his very own disciples, Judas Iscariot would ultimately betray him for 30 pieces of silver. His closest friend, Peter, would deny him three times. The Lord understands. 

In the Beatitudes, you have been given directions on forgiving those who hurt you. “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven.” Matthew 5:43-45. How do you fight back? You fight back on your knees! Give yourself time to grieve, reflect, think, forgive, and process because you have surrendered it all to the Lord. Hold your head high and walk in grace because you know that the Lord will direct your paths.

“Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors…” Matthew 6:11-12.

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